zx12zx11
Expert Class
Posts: 471
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posted May 29, 2003 06:16 AM
Yea, Yea off topic, Jokes
Ok I'm not going to have access to the net for a while ( no porn for me) so I'll bore ya with a few jokes. Moving to Las Vegas. Apartment life, for a short time I hope, is going to suck donkeydickslikenomotherfuckerhaseverdonebeforeandgargleonehteshit. Ok so here are a few jokes.
  
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zx12zx11
Expert Class
Posts: 471
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posted May 29, 2003 06:17 AM
Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Special Olympics?
A: Not being retarded
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Q: What's blue and fucks old people?
A: Hypothermia
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Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the
battered wives' shelter?
A: The dishes if she knows what's good for her
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Q: How do you swat 200 flies at one time
A: Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.
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Q: What is the definition of "making love"?
A: Something a woman does while a guy is f*cking her.
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Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in common?
A: They don't fucking listen.
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Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
A: Gonorrhoea
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Q: Why did God create yeast infections?
A: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating
cunt once in a while too.
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Q. How can you tell a macho woman?
A. She rolls her own tampons.
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Q. What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?
A. The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.
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Q. What's the difference between acne and a Michael Jackson?
A. Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at least
13 years old.
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Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A. Marry it.
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Q. What do you get when you cross two black people?
A. Your ass kicked.
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Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
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Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
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Q. What's the difference between mayonnaise & semen?
A. Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at thirty
miles an hour.
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Q. Why do women call it PMS?
A. Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
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Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your
new car.
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Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
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Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
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Q. How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A. The cake jumps out of the girl.
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Q. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
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Q. What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
A. You know she'll swallow.
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Q. Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on
the same day in Iraq?
A. They don't want to wear out the camel.
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Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish
wife?
A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelery.
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Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
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Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it
is bedtime?
A. When the big hand touches the little hand...
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Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the
house?
A. Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.
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Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that kick.
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Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it.
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zx12zx11
Expert Class
Posts: 471
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posted May 29, 2003 06:21 AM
While trying to escape through Pakistan, Osama Bin Laden found a bottle on a beach and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said "Master, may I grant you one wish?"
"You ignorant unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am? I don't need any common woman giving me anything!" barked Bin Laden. The shocked genie said "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever." Osama thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman, and said "Very well, I want to awaken with three white women in my bed in the morning, so just do it and be off with you !" The annoyed genie said, "So be it !" and dissapeared. The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton.
His penis was gone, his knee was broken, and he had no health insurance.
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Otis
Needs a job
Captain Kickstand
Posts: 3028
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posted May 29, 2003 06:50 AM
Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your
new car.
ROFLMAO!!!! That's great.
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It's a free country brother
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GreenGlenn
Expert Class
Ron Jeremy's Stunt Double
Posts: 370
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posted July 18, 2003 06:34 PM
A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years.
One day, he sees a speck in the horizon.
He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship."
The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat."
The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft."
Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and she says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years!" he says.
She reaches over, unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"
Then she asks, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?"
He replies, "Ten years!"
She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic!"
Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?" And the man replies, "My God! Don't tell me you've got a motorcycle in there!"
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If you love your bike, set it free. If it comes back to you....you probably highsided.
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MadMike
Moderator
FEAR THE BLACK FLAG!!!!!!!!
Posts: 6579
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posted July 18, 2003 06:52 PM
LOL.. good very good...
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes.......
Nothing you already told the bitch twice......
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k bryant
Needs a job
Sponsor
Posts: 2911
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posted July 18, 2003 07:09 PM
Q - How many flys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A - Two. I just can't figure out how they get in there....
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MarkZX12RKX500
Expert Class
Posts: 159
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posted July 18, 2003 08:23 PM
 Edited By: MarkZX12RKX500 on 19 Jul 2003 00:35
What's long and hard on a black man.
third grade.
How do you starve a black man.
put his food stamps in his work boots.
(Edited) 
I am not racist tell me some good white jokes.
__________________________________________
Uhh, I know more white 18 year olds in third grade than black ones.....
__________________________________________
Where you live next to the funny farm?
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GreenGlenn
Expert Class
Ron Jeremy's Stunt Double
Posts: 370
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posted July 18, 2003 09:20 PM
Uhh, I know more white 18 year olds in third grade than black ones.....
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If you love your bike, set it free. If it comes back to you....you probably highsided.
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frEEk
Administrator
ummm... yeah
Posts: 9660
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posted July 18, 2003 09:38 PM
ouch, we gots some nasty ones out tonite folks! 
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frEEk
Administrator
ummm... yeah
Posts: 9660
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posted July 18, 2003 11:39 PM
quote:
I am not racist tell me some good white jokes.
um.... richard simmons?
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