Obba
Expert Class
Posts: 455
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posted October 27, 2008 01:01 AM
I have thought about replying to your post before. But didn't. Sorry for the long post, but i feel it best you have as most info as i can give.
And as your mum now has been given the choice for the ops, i thought i would reply.
My (79yr), mum had a VERY routine valve (pigs valve), replacement in the one of the best heart hospitals in the world - West Wythenshawe Hospital in England, last November.
It was one of those situations - The opertation was a success, but the paitent died - but she didn't. I got a phone call from the Surgeon at 3:00am to me in Australia, telling me that if want to see her 'alive' again, i'd better get the next flight back to the UK, like now!
Whether she 'heard' in her coma from friends, that i was coming back to be with her, i don't know. But she amazed everyone by starting to improve. After 4 weeks she came through to be able to talk and write again. After 2 months she could walk unaided.
But the 'pigs' valve is only 'good for' 10 years - I'm pretty sure that it's ok for 15years. but in no way will she survive another op.
What i wanted to tell you, is that (I have also worked in the medical field for 2.5yrs and talked personally to many Cardiac Surgeons), your mum will be on so many drugs for the rest of her life - she may not really be wiith you, if you know what i mean.
She will be on blood thinners - antibiotics - pain killers - and the strictest food and drink diet that you could ever imagine for the rest of her life. Simple things like no coffee.
Each drug that she takes will in some way 'conflict' with the others.
Her body chemistry will be in turmoil with itself.
I guess you have to sit back and think about what is best for your mum. Is it you? Do you want your mum gone? - of course not. But is it better for your mum to live (if she has the ops), as she will to make you (and family members), feel better?
I've seen a LOT OF MONEY pass to make family members live a bit longer. Of course money shouldn't come into it. But it does. Believe it or not, these sort of ops are still being practiced on. I would bet that if your mum has the ops, there will be a trainee in hand (probably), doing most of the work - under guidence.
But we need to learn right? But not on my mum right?
Mums and Dads pass away. As kids (and we are kids at 40+ to our mum and dad), we rarely see it. But your mum and dad have seen their mum and dad (and 10's of friends and relatives), passing away. It isn't a strange thing that your mum is 'knowing'.
If your father is with you, you need to give him strength. If he isnt (mine passed away 10yrs ago), then the children need to give your mum strength and each other.
It's a cycle: Kings and Queens have tried to avoid it. I'm not sure if you have children, but they will go through what you are, in many years to come, and you will be reflecting on that as your mum is doing now with you.
If my mum is given the choice of another 10yr pigs valve, i'll be saying no. the odds would be massively against her to recover from the 'poisons' that they inject for the op and god knows what state she would come out as.
My thought for you, would be to say that she has a good old run and if god has made his choice then so be it.
Medication will be given to help her out while she can be around for you all. Sadly we (all), living breathing things wear out. But life, nature, says the old go out and the new comes in. It's sad, but it's a beautiful thing.
Best of luck with whatever choice you make.
  
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NYC ZX-14
Expert Class
Manager Star Toyota Bayside,NY
Posts: 214
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posted October 27, 2008 08:33 PM
GhostMan, Steve, and Obba thanks for your thoughts and wisdom. And thanks to all who have replied. The bad news came today. The detailed CAT scan results are in and mom is inoperable. Her liver is completely cancerous and transplant is not an option and thus the heart surgery would be a waste and probably not be survivable.
The doctors say anywhere from a month to twelve with 3 months left the most likely timeframe. We haven't told mom yet, that's tomorrows task. She won't mind I don't think since she didn't want the surgery anyway and wants to be with my dad who passed in 2000. She seems at peace with her life and is ready to go if God so chooses.
Today I had the pleasure of discussing a happy situation with her..... That of my fiance's newely discovered pregnancy. Yep, found out Sunday that my girl is pregnant and today (Monday) I asked mom for her thoughts and advice (keep the baby or not). She was overjoyed! She wants us to have the baby. She said everything happens for a reason and maybe this child is what I'll need to keep me going after she's gone.
I'm 42 years old and this will be my first child. My girl is 24 and we have been together for 2 years. We were planning a wedding (also my first) for NEXT year and a child after that but I guess we'll have to bump that up to sooner rather than later.
Now I pray that through some miracle, mom will live to see her only son's grandchild. My three sisters have given her nine grandkids but I'm the only boy. Mom's happy I'll have a Freddy Jr. to look after and in some way I guess it may help her feel more at ease that I finally am "settling down".
Anyway, sorry for rambling. Thanks for your words, keep 'em coming as I look forward to reading them here when I get home from the hospital each day to this now empty house. It helps not to feel "all alone".
Goodnight and God bless you all.
____________
Currently?
2007 Kawasaki ZX-14, 1999 Kawasaki VN 750, 1976 Suzuki RE-5 Rotary
http://www.goldiesplating.com
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GHOSTMAN
Expert Class
Posts: 456
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posted October 28, 2008 07:02 AM
Glad you decided to keep your child.
Would be kind of messed up to fight to keep your mother alive(the one that gave birth to YOU) and then opt to kill your own child(the one that YOU and your future wife will bring into this world).
I'm not even judging you because that's still your decision.
Lost out being a father 4 times in a row. Sucks to see people around me killing their kids just because they don't want them.
I think if people actually saw what goes on in these procedures, they'd think twice. No matter how I feel, I can't see myself allowing someone to chunk a pair of snips into the back of my unborn child's head and spine, snap their spinal chord and then simply throw them in the trash.
Anyway, it would be cool as all get-out for your mother to see your first child born.
P.S.
I think you should match exhaust canisters instead of throwing the stock one back on the left side. Just seal it like you would do the stock one anyway. 
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I'm There Whether You See Me Or Not.
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NYC ZX-14
Expert Class
Manager Star Toyota Bayside,NY
Posts: 214
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posted October 29, 2008 04:24 AM
quote:
P.S.
I think you should match exhaust canisters instead of throwing the stock one back on the left side. Just seal it like you would do the stock one anyway.
LOL me too. I'm workin on that ;o) Thanks for the reply too. I'm glad we're having a baby too!!!
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Currently?
2007 Kawasaki ZX-14, 1999 Kawasaki VN 750, 1976 Suzuki RE-5 Rotary
http://www.goldiesplating.com
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NYC ZX-14
Expert Class
Manager Star Toyota Bayside,NY
Posts: 214
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posted November 10, 2008 01:30 PM
Mom is scheduled for a meeting with a top Manhattan based cardio-thorasic surgeon tomorrow at 1PM. It turns out she MAY not have liver cancer at all but instead benign masses on her liver (we hope). A biopsy at Sloan Kettering Hospital will be scheduled and if it comes back negative, then they can go ahead with the cardio bypass surgery giving her 10-15 years worth of good vessels. Please pray for her!
Here are a couple of pics of mom and my 14:
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Currently?
2007 Kawasaki ZX-14, 1999 Kawasaki VN 750, 1976 Suzuki RE-5 Rotary
http://www.goldiesplating.com
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CrotchRocket
Moderator
Bracket Racing with Betsy
Posts: 8038
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posted November 10, 2008 01:49 PM
Your Mom is very suportive of you I see 
All the best to your Mom!!!
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Jason Miller StreetBike Seminars
*****DragRacers do it better, because they dont cut Corners*****
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NYC ZX-14
Expert Class
Manager Star Toyota Bayside,NY
Posts: 214
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posted November 10, 2008 06:12 PM
Yep. She's pretty cool for an "old lady" lol
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Currently?
2007 Kawasaki ZX-14, 1999 Kawasaki VN 750, 1976 Suzuki RE-5 Rotary
http://www.goldiesplating.com
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NinjaNick
Needs a job
'08 ZX14 (Blue)
Posts: 4558
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posted November 10, 2008 07:03 PM
Those are cool pics right there.
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R1ze2the0k8z10n
Parking Attendant
Posts: 7
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posted November 15, 2008 04:59 PM
Best wishes to your Mom, I hope she pulls through, stay strong. R1ze
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Stock 07 plasma blue zx14
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GHOSTMAN
Expert Class
Posts: 456
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posted November 15, 2008 05:25 PM
That's a long ass name . . . .
Welcome big dog!
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I'm There Whether You See Me Or Not.
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kikonzx14
Pro
Novice
Posts: 1813
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posted November 15, 2008 06:59 PM
Prayers sent from Chile.
Hugs,
David
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Feel the need for SPEED2007 ZX-14 Black with Red Flames (Helibars, Sliders, Yoshimura TRC Ti 4-2 Slip Ons, Fender Eliminator, Zero Gravity SR Windscreen, Custom Heel Guards , Speedohealer V4, Pazzo Levers -soon to come: Flies out / PCV w/A/T kit and later 16T sprocket)1990 Honda Steed (Japan model same as Shadow)1993 Kawasaki Vulcan EN 500 (gone as I trade it in for the ZX-14)Santiago, Chile, South America
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kawabunga
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Cogswell Cogs Installed
Posts: 284
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posted November 16, 2008 05:10 AM
My heart goes out to you as well as my prayers for all things to be better for your mother.
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NYC ZX-14
Expert Class
Manager Star Toyota Bayside,NY
Posts: 214
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posted November 16, 2008 05:33 AM
Thank you everyone. Right now we're searching for a doctor who'll do a biopsy of mom's liver. Due to the location of the mass on her liver, most surgeons don't want to take the risk and operate, fearing she will "bleed out" and possibly die from the procedure. It will take the best-of-the-best to perform the job. She needs to get it done to determine if she in fact DOES have cancer or not.
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Currently?
2007 Kawasaki ZX-14, 1999 Kawasaki VN 750, 1976 Suzuki RE-5 Rotary
http://www.goldiesplating.com
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pazx14rider
Zone Head
Posts: 953
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posted November 16, 2008 08:17 AM
Our thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. I lost my mom last new years eve due to cancer she was 49, it was an extremely difficult time for everyone. Just be there for you mom thats the best thing you can do.
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Lucky Lo
Moderator
I gotta go....
Posts: 677
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posted November 16, 2008 09:50 PM
your Mom is adorable. Best wishes to you and your family through these tough times 
I'm sure the news of your coming child warms her heart. All things happening in
Gods time.
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one fast girlfriend....
Be yourself - Everyone else is already taken.
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