princesskiwi
Administrator
MISTRESS of SMACK
Posts: 7688
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posted April 26, 2002 05:00 PM
Scott tells us how to be a squid
Subject: Fwd: FW: How to be a squid
This is fairly true.
Darn, there were instructions all this time! :
Here is guide on how to be the ultimate squid.
1. Ride an R1.
2. Brag about how fast your bike will be when you turbo it.
BONUS POINT: You ride an FRZ 400.
3. Apply conflicting manufacturer stickers on your bike, meanwhile keeping the component stock. Example: Apply Yoshimura,Micron,Akrapovic, and D&D stickers while you still have the stock exhaust.
4. $1200 exhaust, $2000 aftermarket rims, Ohlins
suspension, fully polished frame, $50 helmet
5. Let the air out of your tires. Ride around the block a few times. Reinflate you tires. Show your buddies your tires and brag about how fast you can corner your bike.
6. Limit riding gear to the following: sandals, shorts, Oaklies and gold rope chain.
7. Buy a new R6. It must be blue. Using aerosol paint,
repaint it to match the red/white 1998 R1. Do not remove body work while painting it in your driveway. Do not remove any overspray. Apply all the necessary R1 decals. When somebody asks you about it, claim it is a 1997 prototype you bought from the Yamaha factory racing team. (This will prove you squidlyess on many different levels.)
8. Blame your jetting.
9. Buy full leathers. Wear them year round, even if it is 155 degrees. BONUS POINT: Grind the knee sliders on your dad's bench sander so you look like you can drag your knee.
10. Buy a Hayabusa for your first street bike because you don't want a slow bike like the ZX12. BONUS POINT: Make your parents
pay for everything. DOUBLE POINTS: You turned 16 last week.
11. Put wrecked plastic on your new bike, and brag about how you highsided it.
12. Go ahead, sit on that 916 in the corner of the parking lot. The owner won't care. BONUS POINT: When you can't figure out the suicide kick stand, drop it and walk away.
13. When cruising the strip, stand up. Stick your ass way up in the air and wail the throttle. BONUS POINT: Make sure the front tirenever leaves the ground.
14. Go to the superbike races and talk about how Honda is going to give you a factory ride next year.
15. Put a NASCAR sticker on your bike. BONUS POINT: Make it Jeff Gordan sticker.
16. Tell everybody about all of the Harleys you have beaten.
17. Try your first wheelie in front of a crowd. BONUS POINT:
Make sure there is a cop trying to break up the crowd.
18. Find the fastest, coolest guy in town and take his
picture. Use this picture at your local dealer to purchase everything this guy has. IE: bike, jacket, helmet, exhaust, etc. Everything must bethe same color. (The Harley guys do it.)
19. Halfway install performance components. When some body notices, make a lameass excuse. EXAMPLE: I didn't hook up the nitrousbecause the muffler bearings will corrode faster. But, I had to leave the bottle on because it covers up the holes I drilled in the frame.
20. When installing your flush mount turn signals, mount them on the wind screen. Drilling two 1/8 inch holes in your plastics would be stupid. BONUS POINT: Make sure that Hellen Keller could havemounted them straighter.
21. When you can't start your new R1, take it to the dealer.
When he starts it, don't ask him what he did. After you can't duplicate his achievement, ask several friends for help. When your friends ask how far back do you pull the choke lever, reply, "What is the choke?"
22. Insist on running nothing but racing fuel. So what if your motor is all stock.
23. The only performance mod to your 1994 FZR: extended swing arm.
24. Buy a green Ninja. Remove all but 1 decal in order to expose all of the green. BONUS POINT: Wear nothing but a bright green Green helmet, green jacket, green gloves, and green shoes.
25. Use a motocross helmet on the street. Refuse to purchase a street helmet on the grounds it has poor aerodynamics.
26. Memorize and quote every spec for a 1998 R1. BONUS
POINT: You know all of the differences between a '98 and '01 R1.
27. Talk smack about how hard core you are. When some body asks you why you 6 year old bike has 870 miles, reply, "it is my girlfriends bike."
28. When leaving a red light, refuse to lift your right foot off of the pavement until you are in at least 3 rd gear.
29. Replace all the factory plastic with race plastic, and never put bike on the track.
30. Dump $5000 into your motor and $0 into suspension.
31. Apply at least 5 decals to your bike for products you
have no idea about. Try: Agip, Bel Ray, Motul, LBZ, and Yoyodyne.
32. You can never have enough neons. You need at least 8
bulbs.
33. Apply Armor All to every possible surface. Include at least: seat, grips, chain guard, and tires. Comment to your self "Damn, that looks good."
34. Never under any circumstance perform any maintence to the chain. Let that rusty thing sag to the ground.
35. Put on the darkest tinted windscreen possible. Use a tinted visor. And wear sunglasses simultaneously.
  
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