ZXtra
Expert Class
Posts: 490
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posted October 17, 2001 01:32 AM
Joke...
Since we got alot more speed and space now, I thought I'd start a joke thread...
This guy owns a horse and a stud farm, and gets a call from a friend, who tells him, "I know this midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse and I'm sending him over."
The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse. "A female horth", the midget replies.
So the owner shows him one.
"Nith looking horth, can I see her mouf?" So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse's mouth.
"Nith mouf, can I see her eyeth?" So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse's eyes.
"OK , what about the eerth?"
Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks up the midget one more time and shows him the ears.
"OK finally , can I see her twat?"
With that , the owner picks up the midget and shoves his head up the horse's vagina, and pulls him out.
Shaking his head, the midget says "Perhaps I should rephrathe that. Can I thee her wun awouwnd?"
 -ZXtra
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The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick!
  
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frEEk
Administrator
ummm... yeah
Posts: 9660
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posted October 17, 2001 07:59 PM
ezboard....
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wildman
Expert Class
I only look confused
Posts: 318
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posted October 17, 2001 08:53 PM
What's the official National Bird of Afghanistan?
Duck!
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If you build something Idiot Proof, The world will build a better Idiot.
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Big_Zx12r
Expert Class
Posts: 180
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posted October 17, 2001 09:02 PM
Ok.....why can't afghanastan teenagers have sex ed and drivers ed on the same day??
-'Caus they don't have enough Camels!
-Big Zx12r
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Bonehead69
Novice Class
Posts: 83
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posted October 17, 2001 10:13 PM
Damn, we even have comedians here.LOL
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Bonehead69
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Big_Zx12r
Expert Class
Posts: 180
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posted October 18, 2001 12:34 AM
Thanks! We're here all day...grab a drink and stick around for the next show!
-Big Zx12r
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ZXtra
Expert Class
Posts: 490
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posted October 18, 2001 01:06 AM
Yuk! Yuk!
Three women, a Brunette a Redhead and a Blonde, are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball, suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head and passes the three women.
He passes the Brunette woman, who looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband," she says.
He passes by the Redhead woman, who also looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband either." She says, also not recognizing the unit.
He passes by the Blonde woman, who also looks down as he runs by her. "Wait a minute," she says. "He's not even a member of this club."
-ZXtra
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The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick!
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Big_Zx12r
Expert Class
Posts: 180
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posted October 18, 2001 02:10 AM
OK, It is the year 2032, and a father and his son walk the streets of lower Manhattan. approaching the site where the WTC used to be in the end of the 20th century, the father sighs and comments, "to think that right here used to be the Twin Towers..." The son, not understanding, asks his father: "What are the Twin Towers?" The father smiles and looks at the son, and explains, "The Twin Towers were two huge buildings that used to be here until 2001, when the Arabs destroyed them." The son looks up to his father, and asks, "And what are the Arabs?"
-Big Zx12r
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Ninjaman12R
Needs a job
as a Deal's Gap tour guide.
Posts: 4767
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posted October 18, 2001 04:20 AM
You guys a TOO funny!!!! Good ones.
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What we're dealin' with here is a complete lack of respect for the law.
Sheriff Buford T. Justice of TEXAS
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FuckMeRunnin
Expert Class
Posts: 123
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posted October 18, 2001 05:39 AM
What's a Prehistoric Lesbian called? LickaLotaPuss.
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"What happens if you get scared 1/2 to death twice?"
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Ninjaman12R
Needs a job
as a Deal's Gap tour guide.
Posts: 4767
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posted October 18, 2001 06:37 AM
Good one Harry!
Hey you still got that one you e-mailed me about the itching powder??? You know where the guy puts it on the queens breast??? Too fuckin' funny man!!!
____________
What we're dealin' with here is a complete lack of respect for the law.
Sheriff Buford T. Justice of TEXAS
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BlackMandingoWarrior
Expert Class
Posts: 320
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posted October 18, 2001 11:07 AM
Now This Is A Thread That Should Never Die!!!
I might become a "post ho" after all!!
It's Harold's first day in the carpool. They honk the horn in front of his
house and he comes running out. He gets about halfway down the walk when
he hears a grunt and the sound of his wife's foot tapping on the porch.
He turns around and there she is, scowling at him. He runs back to the
steps, spreads her bathrobe, bends over, kisses her on the snatch, runs
back down the walk and hops in the car. They ride in silence for a few
minutes, until Burnett, the driver, can't stand it. Burnett asks, "Harold,
it's none of my business, but why'd you kiss her down there?" Harold
says, "You wouldn't believe her breath in the morning."
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BMW
The QuickSilver Ridin MoFo
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BlackMandingoWarrior
Expert Class
Posts: 320
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posted October 18, 2001 11:21 AM
I've Learned.....
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are
just assholes.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only
suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better have a big dick or huge tits.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others -
they are more fucked up than you think.
I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think
you're finished.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless
we are celebrities.
I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a
relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had
better be a lot of money to take its place.
I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick
you when you're down will be the ones who do.
I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends because
their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.
I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your
children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are
taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just
never go away.
I've learned to say "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke" in 6 languages.
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BMW
The QuickSilver Ridin MoFo
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BlackMandingoWarrior
Expert Class
Posts: 320
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posted October 18, 2001 11:24 AM
My Ass Is Still Sore.....
A 13 year-old boy comes home from school and his
mom asks how his day was. He replies, "I had sex
with my teacher today."
"Oh my god! You get to your room! Wait till your
father comes home!!!", says the mom.
Awhile later the father comes home and the mom
says, "Go up to your son's room and talk to him.
He's been really bad today."
Dad goes up to the son's room and asks why mom
is so mad. "I told her I had sex with my teacher
today," replied the boy.
"Alright! That's my boy!", says dad. "Ya know son,
women just don't think like men. But I'm proud of
you. What are you now, about thirteen, right?
Wow. That's my son! Ya know what? I'm so proud
of you I'm gonna take you out and buy you that
new shiny bike you've been wanting!"
So the dad and his son go out and buy the nicest,
reddest, shiniest bike in the whole town. "You
gonna ride it home son?" asks dad.
The boy replied, "Nah, my ass is still sore."
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BMW
The QuickSilver Ridin MoFo
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BlackMandingoWarrior
Expert Class
Posts: 320
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posted October 18, 2001 11:40 AM
The Beverly HillBobbits
The Beverly HillBobbits
Come listen to a story 'bout a man named John,
A poor ex-marine with his little wanker gone.
It seems one night after gettin' with the wife,
She lopped off his dong with the swipe of a knife.
Penis, that is.
Clean cut.
Missed his nuts.
Well, the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side,
And Lorena's in the car takin' Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend,
Tossed him out the window as she went around a bend.
Curve, that is.
Tossed the nub.
In the shrub.
She went to the cops and confessed to the attack,
They called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.
They sniffed and they barked and they pointed "over there"
To John Wayne's henry that was waving in the air.
Found, that is.
By a fence.
Evidence.
Now peter and John couldn't stay apart for long,
So a dick doc said, "Hey, I can fix that dong!"
"A needle and a thread is all we're gonna need"
And the whole world waited till they heard that Johnny pee'd.
Whizzed, that is.
Straight stream.
Even seam.
Well he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court,
With a half-assed lawyer cause his assets came up short.
They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape.
And his pecker was the only thing they didn't show on tape.
Video, that is.
Unexposed.
Case Closed.
Ya'll sleep on your stomachs now, ya hear?????
____________
BMW
The QuickSilver Ridin MoFo
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BlackMandingoWarrior
Expert Class
Posts: 320
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posted October 18, 2001 12:36 PM
Bug Repellent???
A salesman was traveling through the countryside, selling insect repellent. He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer. "Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again, I guarantee it." The farmer was dubious. "Young man, I'll make you a proposition. I'll tie you out in my cornfield buck naked, covered with that bug spray. If there is not a single bite on you come morning, I'll buy a whole case from you." The salesman was delighted, having full confidence in his product. They went to the field and he stripped. The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake. Back to the house went the farmer. The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the cornfield. Sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds, not a single bite on him. Yet he was a total wreck! Pale, ghastly, haggard, and drawn, but not one bite on him. The farmer was perplexed. "Son," he said, "now, you don't have a bite on you but you look like hell! What the devil happened?"
The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked, "For crying out loud, Mister, doesn't that calf have a mother?!!!"
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BMW
The QuickSilver Ridin MoFo
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BlackMandingoWarrior
Expert Class
Posts: 320
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posted October 18, 2001 12:48 PM
The Versatility Of the "F" Word
Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word "fuck". It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.
In language,"fuck falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John).
It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck).
It can also be used as an adjective(Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary).
It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid).
As you can see, there are very few words with the overall
versatility of the word "fuck".
Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:
1. Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"
2. Fraud "I got fucked by the car dealer."
3. Resignation "Oh, fuck it!"
4. Trouble "I guess I'm fucked now."
5. Aggression "FUCK YOU!"
6. Disgust "Fuck me."
7. Confusion "What the fuck.......?"
8. Difficulty "I don't understand this fucking business!"
9. Despair "Fucked again..."
10. Pleasure "I fucking couldn't be happier."
11. Displeasure "What the fuck is going on here?"
12. Lost "Where the fuck are we."
13. Disbelief "UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!"
14. Retaliation "Up your fucking ass!"
15. Denial "I didn't fucking do it."
16. Perplexity "I don't know the fuck all about it."
17. Apathy "Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?"
18. Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"
19. Suspicion "Who the fuck are you?"
20. Panic "Let's get the fuck out of here."
21. Directions "Fuck off."
22. Disbelief "How the fuck did you do that?"
It can be used in an anatomical description- "He's a fucking ass hole."
It can be used to tell time- "It's five fucking thirty."
It can be used in business- "How did I wind up with this fucking job?"
It can be maternal- "Motherfucker."
It can be political- "Fuck Dan Quayle!"
It has also been used by many notable people throughout history:
"What the fuck was that?" Mayor of Hiroshima
"Where did all these fucking Indians come from?" General Custer
"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?" Captain of the Titanic
"That's not a real fucking gun." John Lennon
"Who's gonna fucking find out?" Richard Nixon
"Heads are going to fucking roll." Anne Boleyn
"It's someone's 100th fucking birthday today!" Willard Scott
"Any fucking idiot could understand that." Albert Einstein
"It does so fucking look like her!" Picasso
"How the fuck did you work that out?" Pythagoras
"You want what on the fucking ceiling?" Michaelangelo
"Fuck a duck." Walt Disney
"Why?- Because its fucking there!" Edmund Hilary
"I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?" Joan of Arc
"She wants how much fucking money?!?!?" Donald Trump
"Look! Almost every fucking kernel popped!" Orville Reddenbacher
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BMW
The QuickSilver Ridin MoFo
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BlackMandingoWarrior
Expert Class
Posts: 320
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posted October 18, 2001 01:03 PM
Yo Mamma.....
Yo Momma's so fat that when she hauls ass she has to make two trips!
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BMW
The QuickSilver Ridin MoFo
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BlackMandingoWarrior
Expert Class
Posts: 320
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posted October 18, 2001 01:04 PM
Yo Momma......
Yo Momma smells so bad Speed Stick slowed down and stopped.
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BMW
The QuickSilver Ridin MoFo
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BlackMandingoWarrior
Expert Class
Posts: 320
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posted October 18, 2001 01:05 PM
Yo Momma.....
Yo Momma is so ugly they put her face on boxes of Ex-Lax and sell them empty.
____________
BMW
The QuickSilver Ridin MoFo
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BlackMandingoWarrior
Expert Class
Posts: 320
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posted October 18, 2001 05:56 PM
The Swimming Pool
One day this rich guy was having a party at his house. He was loaded, and he had everything; money, a big house in Beverly Hills, girls, cars, planes; anything he wanted. The guy was also a little eccentric, and he had filled his pool with crocodiles. So there he was, he and his friends all
standing around drinking, and partying next to the pool.
The guy gets up on the lifeguard tower and all his friends look up. He calls for silence and says, "OK, the first person that swims across my pool will get all my money."
No one moves. The guy looks over the crowd, sips on his drink and says, "OK, the first person that swims across my pool gets all my money and my house." Still no one moves. "OK then, the first person that swims across my
pool gets all my money, my house and all my cars and planes, stocks & bonds, everything I own." Still, no one moves, not even a eye blinks this time. "OK then, all my
money, my house, all my cars, all my planes,all my property, all my stocks and bonds and investments and all the girls you can handle; everything I own." "Splash!" Someone's in the pool. Crocodiles are all over him, but he
rolls over like Tarzan, he's all over the place, fighting and dodging. Finally he gets out of the pool on the other side. The rich guy on the tower jumps down and runs over to him. "That was incredible! I never thought that I would ever see that done. Do you want the money ?" "I don't want the money." "Do you want the house ?" I don't want the house." "Do you want the cars and planes ? " "I don't want the cars or planes." "Do you want the bonds, stocks and stuff now ?" "Nah, you can keep all that stuff." The rich guy looks at him confused and says "Then, what the hell do you want?!?!" The swimmer replied "All I want is the mother fucker that pushed me in."
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BMW
The QuickSilver Ridin MoFo
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Big_Zx12r
Expert Class
Posts: 180
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posted October 18, 2001 06:24 PM
The Gay Leprechon
One day a guy was standing at a urinal taking a whiz and up comes this gay looking little fellow. While taking his whiz he couldn't help but to notice the huge penis the little guy had so he asked him, do all little guys have big peckers? The little guy say's well I am actually a leprechon and all leprechons have huge peckers! The guy says hey....don't you owe me three wishes now, the little Leprechon says "yes, but I get one wish after you have your three". Ok...said the guy! 1st I want a brand new Ferrari! Ok..said the little leprechon, it's sitting outside in the paking lot! Ok...2nd I want a hot model that will do everything I want! Ok...done..she's in your Ferrari waiting! Ok...and third I want 100 million dollars! Ok...said the leprechon, it's in the truck of you Ferrari! Now..I get my wish said the leprechon or the deals off! Ok...what do you want, he said well I am a gay leprechon and I want to do you up the ass! Oh shit said the guy I saw the size of your pecker, and I'm not gay! He thought about it for a while and said oh what the fuck...I will have everything I ever wanted, so go ahead and get it over with! The little gay leprechon fucked the shit out of him for hours and when he was done, the guy said....god I can't believe I am filthy rich, and have the car and the girl of my dreams! The little gay "leprechon" said...shit, I can't believe you actually thought I was a leprechon!
Hope it was worth reading, I know it was a little long but I thought it was pretty funny!
-Big Zx12r
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ZXtra
Expert Class
Posts: 490
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posted October 19, 2001 01:46 AM
Blonde joke...
A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas.
When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money. But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother".
The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect). "Anything?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.
"Well then, just follow me", said the man. As he walked towards the next room, the blonde did as she was
told and followed the man.
"Come in and close the door" the man said.
She did.
He then said "Now get on your knees."
She did.
"Now take down my zipper".
She did.
"Now go ahead ... take it out ...." he said.
She reached in and grabbed it with both hands ... then
paused.
The man closed his eyes and whispered "Well... go ahead".
The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and, while
holding it close to her lips, tentatively said......."Hello, Mom, can you hear me?".
-ZXtra
____________
The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick!
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FuckMeRunnin
Expert Class
Posts: 123
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posted October 19, 2001 05:53 AM
Good jokes guys!!!
____________
"What happens if you get scared 1/2 to death twice?"
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black_valkyrie
Parking Attendant
ZX14 and Busa Killer!
Posts: 25
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posted October 19, 2001 08:32 AM
a zx-12 and a busa were driving down the street.
The end
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