fish_antlers
Administrator
The Truth is Out There
Posts: 21895
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posted February 20, 2003 05:31 PM
Committed my grandmother to a home yesterday.
I've been debating if I should post about this or not, but I guess am going to so here it goes.... my grandmother is quite ill and no longer capable of taking care of herself.. I had to sign her into a facility yesterday. Very strange indeed. Now I have to got through all of her possessions on the weekend and box them up or throw them out.
Anyone else here gone through this?
I was shocked at the form I had to agree to which basically stated that they would NOT resuscitate her in the event of an emergency (due to the severity of her illnesses).
Quite a rough day yesterday.
   
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redelk
Moderator
Please... speak to the hand.
Posts: 3212
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posted February 20, 2003 05:38 PM
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There are only three sports: bullfighting, motor racing, and mountaineering; all the rest are merely games.
-Ernest Hemingway
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wannabe
Pro
Posts: 1931
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posted February 20, 2003 05:42 PM
I'm sorry to hear that, Fish. Hang in there, bro.
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"There are only three sports: bullfighting, motor racing, and mountaineering; the rest are just games." - Ernest Hemingway
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aliveagain
Needs a life
Posts: 5033
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posted February 20, 2003 05:46 PM
Went thru that about 10 years ago with my grandfather.His mind was good but his motor controls weren't. We had to change his diapers and feed him when the nurse wasn't around.That was a very humbling experience for an 89 year old yankee farmer. It finally got to be to much for us and we sent him to a home.I empathize with you on your decision and know the doubt you may be feeling as to whether or not you did the right thing.Those places are quite expensive here, I don't know about up in your end of the world.
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I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
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fish_antlers
Administrator
The Truth is Out There
Posts: 21895
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posted February 20, 2003 05:51 PM
It was infact her doctor who arranged the whole thing. I knew that it was serious but was to be honest, unprepared for what I saw at the "home". I was expecting her to be in some sort of a medium level "facility" however it felt a little bit more like "One Flew Over the Cockoo's Nest" with the music playing etc. I wasnt expecting the paperwork etc either. Maybe I am just naive or I have been ignoring it as she has been living on her own all this time.. It is my understanding that this facility is free of charge and covered under our govt' medical plan, but I have yet to confirm that as it was all a little sudden. I will find out more on the weekend.
And yes it is humbling for her as she was and still is a bit of a "control freak", but she certainly has no control now as she has gone from living in her own apt to sharing a 12x12 room.
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ZHooligan
Moderator
Post Whore Extraordinaire!
Posts: 3829
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posted February 20, 2003 06:29 PM
Sorry to hear this Fish. Lost my mom to Lung Cancer 6 years ago. She died at home with our family. The Hospice people are wonderful. My dad is healthy as a horse and chases the ladies at 79. My Grandmother we looked at putting her in a Nursing home but my Mom and two aunts (all three whom did not have jobs outside of the home) toughed it out and took care of her as she died of liver Cancer. Was a tough one. My 86 year Grandfather (moms side) died peaceful in his sleep at home after fishing all day. I could be so lucky! And my 38 year grandfather on my dads side died on Normandy Beach.
I know a number of people that have had to do what you have done. It is a tough decision, but if you did your homework and put her in a good place you have done the right thing. My daughters volunteer at some of the nursing homes in our area. They have found it enjoyable, have some funny stories. They have met some really nice people along with a few cranky people as well.
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To those who do not count their life in years, but in how life
has touched them in the past and how much it can hold in the
future; -- Youth is forever.
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freek
Administrator
ummm... yeah
Posts: 9660
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posted February 20, 2003 06:34 PM
sorry to hear it fish. but perhaps she'll like it there; after all, having constant companionship & people to make ur foods & clean house for u is pretty nice 
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slug
Pro
Out in search of my mind...
Posts: 1433
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posted February 20, 2003 06:50 PM
my grandmother is currently inprocess of thinking about moving into an assisted living place, her husband is very incapacitated. she cannot handle pushinghim around in wheelchair all the time, in fact is prohibited from doing anthing with weight more than 20 pounds (huge aneurism on aorta, in operable due to location and size)
hte assisted living places are VERy expensive, over 3000/month, one bedroom, one other room, and '3 meals a day' (better be VERY good meals....)
i hope she can get some enjoyment and relaxation there. that is the best you can offer, peace and company.
  
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nedragr
Zone Head
Posts: 504
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posted February 20, 2003 07:43 PM
Still remember taking my dad from the hospital to Manor Care. Very hard indeed.
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Real racebikes run premix!!
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niuhi
Expert Class
Posts: 374
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posted February 20, 2003 11:25 PM
haven't had to place a grandparent, but I lost my mother a few years back and had to go through all of her belongings since I'm an only child, and my mom and dad are divorced. Had to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Still have a lot of her stuff in boxes here at the house, that need to be gone through.
Sorry to hear about your situation. Seems like myself and all my friends are getting to the age where parents are passing away and grandparents are long gone.
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Hawaii no ka 'oi
Les
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VincentHill
Needs a life
Posts: 6520
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posted February 21, 2003 12:21 AM
 Edited By: VincentHill on 21 Feb 2003 00:24
Just preperation for the real hard things in life, When it is your Mother! Mind died last year and my Brother moved in and now I have spent just a little less than $5,000 with an attorney who had to sue my aunt , her sister who is 90 because she is the execrutrix of the estate and my Brother because he changed the will (Said his power of attorney allowed him to do this) She was 88 years old and barely knew me. If you are an "Only" Child, be thankful because at least you will not be going through what I am right now!
I will only be in Daytona for 1 week instead of 2 because The following week, I will be in Toledo Ohio in court!
BTW, I forgot to add this, What better place? This is like home to most of us, we fuss and we fight and tell each other about out problems and most of us would not have it any other way!
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Made History @ Daytona and still one fast old man!!
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MadMike
Moderator
FEAR THE BLACK FLAG!!!!!!!!
Posts: 6579
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posted February 21, 2003 05:42 AM
Oh man that sucks!!! I know the day will come but, maybe with my mom, not my dad, my great grand father passed away and my grandfather passed away when they had motor skills and I hate to say it but my dad has been in rough shape for 10 years now. we are all so far away I wouldnt know what to do and VH dude that really sucks!!! my dad should have done something similar when my grandpa passed away. but dad did not. so that is the way it goes...
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VincentHill
Needs a life
Posts: 6520
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posted February 21, 2003 07:35 AM
To all of you youngsters, there is one draw back to "Living to a ripe old age" You get to see everyone die"! All of your friends, and all of your family! 95% of my friends are already dead and I am down to about 6 family members left. (Worse part of writing this is I first put down 5 then realized that I had not included my Brother!)
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Made History @ Daytona and still one fast old man!!
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kcadby
Pro
Posts: 1733
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posted February 21, 2003 04:32 PM
My Father had to put my last living grandmother in assisted living a couple of months ago. Sad for sure...she has always been my favorite grandparent too...
Made me think about...what/if/when the parents get to that point also...
I feel lucky that I didn't have to deal with Nanas situation directly...
I've always liked hanging out with people that are older than me because you can learn so much from they're "life travels" (Vincent reminds me of this in his above post  )...
It's a strange feeling when you get old enough for people that are close to you start Passing Away...
Just remember the good times you've had with her Fish...
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DaveInDaytona
Pro
Posts: 1696
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posted February 21, 2003 07:42 PM
All my grandparents went really fast when the time came and I didn't have to go through that with them. But I went through that with my Dad in December 1998, it was like he was someone I didn't know anymore. He died shortly after the decision was made, it was 3 days before Christmas that year. Going through all his things after that happened helped me learn a lot of things I didn't know about the man I grew up with. He was a very proud but very quiet guy, USN WWII vet medic/pharmacist that saw a lot of action. Something he never talked about. Father of 6, retired teacher and coach of 37 years, retired US Army Corps of Engineers Ranger. Funny and quiet and the hardest working guy you could ever find. The whole event changed our family and my Mom a lot. It's something you have to do for the people around you and it makes you think about where you will be when things get tough. I still think about that all the time. I miss you Pop.
Everyone copes in their own way and there are plenty of people that have gone down that road. If talking about it helps, then talk. Send an email, make a phone call. For me I wanted to have someone tell me that I did the right thing but no matter how may times I heard it I didn't make me feel any better. It's a few years later and I now understand it a lot of things better. That understanding has made it better and it helps me to be better every day.
Dave
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DaytonaSportbikes Forum
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aliveagain
Needs a life
Posts: 5033
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posted February 21, 2003 07:52 PM
This is starting to sound like a 12 step program. It works,dump your shit so it doesn't build up for the therapeuticv value of one biker helping another is without parallel.
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I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
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VincentHill
Needs a life
Posts: 6520
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posted February 21, 2003 07:54 PM
Dave, If you noticed, I quote my Dad a lot! I was fortunate, My dad had an Heart attack and it changed him 180 degrees. A very Quiet man and when mad, even quieter! I do not even remember shaking hands with him! After the Heart attack, HE Started the Men Hugging in our Church, he even Hugged and Kissed me! Never would have believed it!
What I was going to say is that we all start out loving out parents, then we get to be a little older and then cannot stand them or at least not the best relationship! Usually we (Men) Usually try the Old Man at least once and find that their arms are like Steel and our Mothers save us! Later, we start getting along with them and eventually become best friends! Rather be with them than anyone! That is when the Lord takes them because he knows that we now understand!
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Made History @ Daytona and still one fast old man!!
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