redelk
Moderator
Please... speak to the hand.
Posts: 3212
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posted April 15, 2002 11:17 AM
I'm so damn depressed!
I don't get it. I really don't. I thought that I have been dealing with my brother's passing pretty well. Like I said in my other post, being in the program helps me in accepting the inevitable. That was until yesterday.
My son, a co-worker and long time friend of my brother, as well as myself, went to his apartment to move his stuff. I had only been to his place once and I'd never been inside. My God. It was so depressing. I couldn't have imagined something this bad. Given a choice, if it were me... I'd rather lived on the streets.
All of his furniture, including a washer and dryer, fit in my 5' x 10' motorcycle trailer and in the back of my truck. That is, all the furniture that was still worth anything. We left behind a sofa, a small nightstand and a refrigerator.
All of his clothes were in garbage bags sitting on the front porch. Mother, three of his four sons and my sister from Houston had gone there earlier in the week to look for any belongings his sons might have wanted. All of his clothes were dirty and many of them had blood or vomit on them. Mother instructed one of his roommates to throw the bags in the dumper. He didn't.
Both of his roommates are jobless alcoholics and neither of them ever offered to pay any of his bills or rent. Gene hadn't paid his rent since December and owed $1200. One of them was there when we arrived. He was actually washing his clothes in my brother's washer and had the balls to ask if we'd wait for him to dry them. We didn't. Mother had most of the utilities shut off. The electricity will get turned off today. I guess they will stay there till the landlord has them thrown out.
Mother got him a nice set of pots and pans for Christmas. They were still in the box. The same was for a 8 piece place set of dishes and silverware. All of his meals were usually from the bar a few blocks away. The dishes were there when mother left, but were gone when we arrived. There was a mirror that went with his dresser. I found it under his bed with several empty beer cans. I guess he didn't want to see himself in it.
Tonight, I will be taking everything to my other sister's house. My brother's '97 Talon ESi is also there. We're waiting for my daughter's boyfriend to detail it. Right now, the smell of cigarettes and stale beer is so bad, no one can even sit in car for more then a few minutes.
The rest of Gene's personal belongings fit in a box that used to hold 4 one gallon paint cans. That was it. At 53 years of age, everything he had... was nothing. After we got almost everything out, I just sat in the trailer and cried.
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There are only three sports: bullfighting, motor racing, and mountaineering; all the rest are merely games.
-Ernest Hemingway
   
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Ninjaman12R
Needs a job
as a Deal's Gap tour guide.
Posts: 4767
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posted April 15, 2002 11:35 AM
I feel for you man......
Sherman that's sad man, I can understand you being depressed. Just take it one day at a time bro. It'll get better, just try to remember the good times you had with your brother. It's hard to find the right words to say, but you know you've got all of us to lean on and help you through these tough times. Chin up man, things will get better.
____________
What we're dealin' with here is a complete lack of respect for the law.
Sheriff Buford T. Justice of TEXAS
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madmike
Moderator
FEAR THE BLACK FLAG!!!!!!!!
Posts: 6579
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posted April 15, 2002 01:24 PM
Sherman, prayer helps me out in times of need, the man upstairs has control of many things in life that we do and he is there for us in our times of need, even though we may not think he is there for us, he is! it is really hard to think of anything to say other then I will pray for you and your brother now that he is not in his pain anymore, god bless you and your family!
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catman12
Expert Class
Posts: 169
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posted April 15, 2002 01:26 PM
sorry wish I could help you...
/ Mikael from Sweden
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6.23@126.7mph 1/8mi , 9.44@150.99mph 1/4mi 60" Arm, 1361cc, manual shifting.
http://www.kiruna.se/~mgrape
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princesskiwi
Administrator
MISTRESS of SMACK
Posts: 7688
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posted April 15, 2002 02:05 PM
 Edited By: princesskiwi on 15 Apr 2002 15:07
It's not about stuff.
The sum of a man is more than his parts, and more than what his stuff is worth when he leaves it behind.
You know that.
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redelk
Moderator
Please... speak to the hand.
Posts: 3212
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posted April 15, 2002 04:35 PM
Ya'll are right...
and I, as well as my family, thank you for your thoughts and prayers.
As in my previous post, there are a lot of good memories to reflect upon. I guess it was just looking into that box and seeing what little he had... I mean it was basically all he took with him when he "retired" from work. A couple hands full of change, a few packages of golf balls from our vendors (he sold his golf clubs 4 years ago in a friend's yard sale, but was always telling everyone about the events he was golfing in) and two ceramic "Frank and Louie" Budwiser things (I have no idea what they were for).
Most of us have more shit in our "junk drawer" then all my brother's possessions combined. The shit in those "junk drawers" are probably worth more. Financially and emotionally. It turns out that there were a few other items that were also missing, like an expensive suit jacket that my mother bought him.
Like the dishes and silverware, one can only assume that his roommates sold or traded them off. It made me feel like they were just vultures picking on the meat of my brother's rotting corpse. Taking what almost anything he had of value and getting what ever they could for it.
Ah... but I'm still one blessed MF'er. Not only do I have the support of all my friends here, but while I was writing this, my sponsor walked in. I was freakin' since I couldn't get a hold of him (he always calls me since I rarely call him). He has just moved (no home phone), changed jobs (as of Saturday) and his cell number had also changed. We just had a long talk about my brother.
I don't have any questions or wonder why things are the way they are. All I know is that I'm just so sad that my brother's life possessions lay in one little box. There was so much more to him before those last stages of alcoholism took hold. Now I realize how "complete" the destruction can be. It's a place I never want to be.
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There are only three sports: bullfighting, motor racing, and mountaineering; all the rest are merely games.
-Ernest Hemingway
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slantzilla
Novice Class
Posts: 99
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posted April 15, 2002 06:28 PM
There but for the grace of God.......
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slug
Pro
Out in search of my mind...
Posts: 1433
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posted April 15, 2002 06:52 PM
words escape.....
theres nothing i think that i can say that really will help, so i'll keep it short..
i think maybe the apartment movout added that small bit of finality, the realization perhaps? dunno.
anyways i'll keep you and your family in thought & prayer.
karl the slug
  
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macnas
Expert Class
Posts: 102
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posted April 16, 2002 04:45 AM
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pat830
Expert Class
Posts: 135
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posted April 16, 2002 05:09 AM
Time heals all wounds.
Keep your chin up and remember the good times.
You are in my prayers.
Pat
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zx9r
Expert Class
Posts: 227
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posted April 16, 2002 09:03 AM
in my prayers
in mine too!! this is sad sad sad. I hope your time in mourning is over quickly and you can move on but never forget. Maybe spending the few hours down at the tavern each night was the only thing that brought him happiness. you can never know the inside of a mans mind thats in a position like he was in. anyways god be with you red
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-----00 GREEN 1270-----
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Engage
Expert Class
Posts: 106
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posted April 16, 2002 11:58 AM
Might be simplistic or even hokey but really do not let that box represent your brother, that is just you trying to quantify things. He is represented by what you are feeling and apparently that is quite a bit more than you thought initially. I definatly don't believe he fit in the box and that makes it more troubling for you because it makes it hard to compartmentalize the situation. So my "easy" answer is don't. We as people can never determine the total effect we have on or others have on us. It sounds like you're doing well actually, spend more time with your family and try to talk about good times as well as bad. You can't sum a person up by their ending. I'll shut up and butt out now. Hang in there.
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