fish_antlers
Administrator
The Truth is Out There
Posts: 21896
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posted April 14, 2005 12:19 PM
 Edited By: fish_antlers on 14 Apr 2005 13:25
Heaven Less Opulent Than Vatican, Reports Disappointed Pope
 HEAVEN-The soul of Pope John Paul, which entered heaven last week following
a long illness, expressed confusion and disappointment Saturday, upon
learning that the Celestial Kingdom of God to which the departed faithful
ascend in the afterlife is significantly less luxurious than the Vatican's
Papal Palace, in which the pope spent the past 26 years of his earthly life.
"Where are all the marble statues, sterling-silver chalices, and
gem-encrusted scepters?" the visibly disappointed pope asked. "Where are the
60-foot-tall stained-glass windows and hand-painted cupolas? Where are the
elaborately outfitted ranks of Swiss Guards? Why isn't every single surface
gilded? This is my eternal reward?"
Heaven, according to the New Testament, has "brilliance like a very costly
stone... of pure gold, like clear glass..." with "twelve gates... each gate
a single pearl." Yet the pope, who spoke from the afterlife, said heaven is
nothing like the "solid-gold city" detailed at length by John of Patmos in
the Book of Revelations.
"Evidently, the Bible was not intended to be taken literally, after all,"
John Paul II said. "Don't get me wrong: It's very nice up here-quite
beautiful and serene. It's just not as fancy as what I'm accustomed to. If
I'd known heaven was going to be like this, I would've taken one last tour
through my 50 rooms of velvet-draped thrones and priceless oil paintings
before saying 'Amen' and breathing my last."
According to the pope, heaven is merely a place of unending peace and
happiness, wherein all the spirits of the Elect live together forever in
perfect harmony and goodness, basking in the rays of God's divine love.
"Up here, everyone is equal," John Paul II said. "No one has to go through
an elaborate bowing ritual when they greet me. And do you know how many
times my ring has been kissed since I arrived? None. Up here, I'm mingling
with tax collectors, fishermen, and whores. It's just going to take a little
getting used to, is all."
The pope said it is amusing to think that he has been waiting for this
"so-called Paradise" his entire life.
"I spent almost 84 years reciting novenas and Hail Marys to get to this
restful place," John Paul II said. "If I'd wanted peace, quiet, and pretty
clouds, I could've moved to the Italian Riviera. Frankly, this afterlife
represents a significant drop in my standard of living."
"Well, they always said you can't take it with you," he added.
Source: A bit of spam emailed to me by a friend... Source unknown... somewhere on the Internet ... enjoy!
____________
What business is it of yours where I'm from, Friendo?
   
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canadamaxxer
Pro
Posts: 1090
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posted April 14, 2005 12:48 PM
Sounds like it's from "The Onion"
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Spyral
Pro
Unpredictable individual.
Posts: 1071
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posted April 17, 2005 05:42 PM
The Onion..agreed.
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Now, I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.
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zx9rcr500r
Expert Class
Kawasakis UNI-TRAK®
Posts: 361
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posted April 19, 2005 05:47 PM
They saw white smoke today. Head gasket time?
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Just Joy
Needs a job
Posts: 3976
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posted April 20, 2005 10:22 AM
Edited By: Just Joy on 20 Apr 2005 12:07
have these people ever heard of vocal communication????? I mean, really.....
if the lights go out, then he's dead.....,
if there's black smoke, their voting......,
if there's white smoke, they've picked a pope (hehe, "picked a pope"...I like that, its funny like "pick the nose".. 
anyway, back to my rant....what does it mean when the tiolet's flushed? or if there's corn in the pope's crap?...
or if, .....well you get my point.....
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canadamaxxer
Pro
Posts: 1090
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posted April 20, 2005 11:46 AM
http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4115
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canadamaxxer
Pro
Posts: 1090
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posted April 20, 2005 11:50 AM
Vocal communication is not nearly as mystical and steeped in ancient mystery as the other methods. Sure, talking works better, but is so overrated. Our marriage prep classes taught us that communication has no place in a catholic marriage. I am surprised that they need such bland methods of communication as smoke and lights... they should have been able to simply pray it, and all the catholics throughout the world would suddenly have the message appear in their heads.....
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Just Joy
Needs a job
Posts: 3976
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posted April 20, 2005 11:55 AM
LOL ....funny stuff 
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zx9rcr500r
Expert Class
Kawasakis UNI-TRAK®
Posts: 361
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posted April 20, 2005 09:15 PM
quote:
have these people ever heard of vocal communication????? I mean, really.....
anyway, back to my rant....what does it mean when the tiolet's flushed? or if there's corn in the pope's crap?...
or if, .....well you get my point.....
GM has released a new Sport Utility. That's what the toilet flushing means.
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