posted October 24, 2003 02:01 AM
I was wondering why he went to all the animal shelters.. He told me he was looking for the perfect bitch. Now I know what he meant by that statement!
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"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways- Body thoroughly used up, totally worn out...Screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride !!!"
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living life, and loving it.
Posts: 7981
posted October 24, 2003 03:36 AM
dam..I knew TurboBlew had some issues, but Dayummmmmmmm...lmfao
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When in doubt, lean farther and go faster....
posted October 24, 2003 08:18 PM
maybe he listens to Three Dog Night or just gave the dog a bone
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I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
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posted October 24, 2003 09:48 PM
Nobody seemed to get my joke, so I'll tell the long version...
A new soldier in the british army reported to his duty station in Scotland.
When he got there, he was put with one of the brigades stationed in the highlands.
Late that night, he woke to the sound of one of his mates leaving the tent. Curious, he rose from his cot and stuck his head out to the tent. He watched as the other soldier trudged away into the darkness, wearing nothing but a pair of wading boots.
The next night another soldier grabbed the boots and made off into the darkness.
For a week, a different soldier would take the boots, go off into the darkness, and then return a few hours later. The young soldier was burning withh curiousity about what was going on, and he finally took one of the older soldiers aside and asked him "What's going on with the boots?"...
The older soldier smiled a bit at him and said "Oh, that'd be the boys getting a piece of wool for shining their boots in the morning."
The young soldier returned to his group, not really satisfied with the answer.
The next night, one of the soldiers left the tent, and he resolved to follow him. There was a bit of a moon out, and the cloud cover wasn't too bad, so he was able to keep him in sight. The soldier proceeded to the field next to the camp, climbed over the stone fence, and to the young soldier's amazement, copulated with one of the sheep!
Quickly, the soldier hurried back to his tent, laying back down and pretending sleep. In a bit, he heard the man return and take off the boots, then go to sleep. As his soft snores filled the tent, the young man looked and sure enough, a piece of wool lay beside the man's bunk.
The weeks went by, and the young soldier agonized about asking for a turn. There were no women around, and the lack of female companionship was driving him crazy. When he snapped at his tentmates for no reason, then apologized, they all looked at each other knowingly and told him about the boots.
"You see laddie, the boots are so you can lift the sheep up and put the hind feet into the boots to keep her from running away while you satisfy yourself. They'll buck around a bit, but eventually settle down for a good shagging. Just make sure and bring a bit of wool back to shine your boots with in the morning."
The young soldier promised he would. He couldn't get to sleep at all that night, and lay in the bed, anticipating the illicit trip to the farmer's field to consummate his desires with one of the animals.
As the hour grew late and snores once more filled the tent, the young soldier rose up, slipped his feet into the boots, and made his way out of the tent. As luck would have it, there was no moon that night, and he had to make his way very carefully in the pitch darkness. Eventually , he made his way to the stone wall, and climbed over it. Listening carefully, he could hear the soft baahs of the sheep, and he followed the sound till he got close. By now, he was close to bursting with desire, and as soon as he sensed he was close, the young soldier leaped out, landing on the rump of one of the sheep. Quickly, he lifted the legs into the boots, and proceeded to 'grab a piece of wool."
However, the sheep was having none of it, bucking and kicking back at him hard. He persisted however, and the sheep baaah'd loudly, kicking and struggling. "I thought these damned things quieted down after a bit," he thought as he tried to hold the struggling sheep.
Finally, his business done, he lifted the sheep's feet from the boots, letting it loose. To his suprise, the sheep turned and butted him with all it's force. Helplessly, he tumbled back, striking his head against a rock and losing consciousness.
The young soldier woke the next morning in the stockade. Looking out the barred window, he was able to get the guard's attention. "Why am I here?" he whispered. "Yer in for fornicating with an animal, laddy. There's nought I canna do for ye. Yer to see the magistrate on the farmer's complaint."
"But, doesn't everyone go out and shag the sheep?" he asked.
The guard clucked his tongue and shook his head. "Oh yes laddy, surely they do...But sodomizing a ram, that's a crime against nature."
posted October 25, 2003 01:33 AM
, That sounds like something bart would do!
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"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways- Body thoroughly used up, totally worn out...Screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride !!!"
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posted October 23, 2003 08:48 PM
posted October 24, 2003 02:01 AM
, That sounds like something bart would do!
