zx11_12
Expert Class
Posts: 207
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posted May 11, 2003 03:53 AM
Not Bike related......A southerner moves north.
A Southerner Moves North
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Jan.10 5:00 P.M. It's starting to snow. The
first of the season and the first one we've seen
in years. The wife and I took our hot buttered
rum and sat by the picture window, watching the
soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and
covering the ground. It was beautiful!
Jan. 11 We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal
white snow covering the landscape. What a
fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered
with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow
for the first time ever and loved it. I did both
our driveway and our sidewalk. Later a
city snowplow came along and accidently covered
up our driveway with compacted snow from the
street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved
back and shoveled it again.
Jan. 12 It snowed an additional 5 inches last
night, and the temperature has dropped to around
11 degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs
snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled
our driveway again. Shortly afterwards, the
snowplow came by and did his trick again. Much of
the snow is now brownish-gray.
Jan. 13 Warmed up enough during the day to create
some slush which soon became ice when the
temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires for
both cars. Fell on my ass in the driveway. $145
to a chiropractor, but nothing was broken. More
snow and ice expected.
Jan. 14 Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought
a 4x4 in order to get her to work. Slid into a
guardrail anyway and did a considerable amount of
damage to the right rear quarter-panel. Had
another 8 inches of the white shit last night.
Both vehicles covered in salt and crud. More
shoveling in store for me today. That goddamn
snowplow came by twice today.
Jan. 15 2 degrees outside. More fuckin' snow.
Not a tree or shrub on our property that hasn't
been damaged. Power was off most of the night.
Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles
and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and
nearly burned the house down. I managed to put
the flames out, but suffered second degree burns
on my hands and lost all my eyelashes and
eyebrows. Car slid on ice on way to emergency
room and was totalled.
Jan.16 Goddamn mother fuckin' white shit keeps
on coming down. Have to put on all the clothes
we own just to get to the fuckin' mailbox. If I
ever catch the son-of-a-bitch that drives the
snowplow, I'll chew open his chest and rip out his
heart. I think he hides around the corner and
waits for me to open our driveway again! Power
still off. Toilet froze and part of the roof has
started to cave in.
Jan.17 Six goddamn more fuckin' inches of fuckin'
snow and fuckin' sleet and fuckin' ice and God
knows what other kind of white fuckin' shit fell
last night. I wounded the fuckin' snowplow
asshole with an ice axe, but he got away. Wife
left me. Car won't start. I think I'm going snow
blind. I can't move my toes. I haven't seen the
sun in weeks. More snow predicted. Wind chill
-22 fuckin' degrees. I'm moving back to South
Carolina!
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"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences."
PJ O'Rourke
    
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