beansbaxter
Needs a life
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posted December 09, 2002 07:39 AM
 Edited By: beansbaxter on 9 Dec 2002 07:39
sex and motorcycles
I read this article...interesting to note the guy who wrote it rides as ZX-12R.
Must sex be connected to every single dadgummit thing in our lives? Perhaps yes, perhaps, no, but there's no question that motorcycles and sex are very closely intertwined, particularly in the minds of those who do not own motorcycles. The day after I bought my first motorcycle, decades ago, people began to make comments that seemed to connect a motorcycle to all sorts of things - many of them connected to my sex life. They've never stopped. Why is that?
I've been fascinated by motorcycles and sex for about the same number of decades, and so I have enjoyed pondering this. The result of years of philosophical deep ...thought - is a theoretical explanation of why motorcycles and sex are so closely related.
The factors are listed in alphabetical order, simply because I could not think of anything more clever.
ATTITUDE: It's all about the attitude, isn't it? Motorcyclists look at life as an adventure, and are willing to accept some risks for the rewards that
enthusiasm and passion can bring. Now, what in life, if anything, compares to both the adventure and the risk of a sexual relationship? Is there anything more risky to ego, mind, and self-concept than inviting someone to
share your body? Motorcyclists are people who know that some risks are worth the reward. Just by riding down the street you both profess and display an enthusiastic attitude, and that is very sexy.
APPEARANCE: We all want to look good - all the time. It's good for our sense of self, and adds to our attractiveness to others. Motorcyclists, albeit for different reasons, wear the sexiest clothes around. Leather is sexy, for
reasons so Neanderthalic we don't need to enumerate them. Black is slimming. With black leather you're pretty much there. Of course, hats have been used for millennia to make the wearer special and more individual - and what's a
helmet but a hat? My helmet is more attractive than my head, and with the dark visor pulled down I create a sense of mystery. Who knows - I MIGHT be handsome!
HUMILITY: Motorcycles are terrific as ego boosters. So are serious sports cars, but motorcycles have one big advantage over the finest cars - and that is that they create a sense of humility. With a motorcycle you are
always just that one small step away from making a total and complete ass of yourself. Whether it's that small slip in a puddle as you put the side stand down, (done that) or letting your brand new helmet fall off the seat and
roll across the huge asphalt parking lot, (done that) or forgetting to take the rain gear on a day when the weather goes away, (done that too!) there's always something that may happen today to keep your ego down to size. To be
sure, there are arrogant motorcyclists out there, but they have not ridden for very long or very far yet. Humility can be a sexy attribute, but arrogance never is.
HUMOR: If you don't think sex is funny, you're not doing it right... or well. What is the most frequent topic of all humor? Does a man or woman with a great laugh have sex appeal? If you ride a motorcycle you're probably having
fun. On a beautiful day on a great bike, you may find yourself laughing out loud inside your helmet for no particular reason. How many commuters sitting in their cars are laughing? Heck, how many are even SMILING, even on a gorgeous day? Sex is fun and funny, and motorcycles are fun and funny, and thus ...sexy.
PERFORMANCE: Here is one area of sex where our modern culture has just plain lost its head. You'd think nobody ever enjoys the simple pleasure of cuddling up together and reading a book. Don't know about you, but if I
attempted to maintain the performance pace shown in movies and on TV, I wouldn't have the strength to lift a leg over a bike!
Having said that, is there any wonder that the performance of bikes provides a sexual comparison to cars, and that the aura of performance superiority transfers to the rider? If you ride a motorcycle to work, you're probably
the fastest piece of performance poundage you'll see - except for the other bikes. A mid-size cruiser will waste almost any car without raising its oil temperature. Sport bike owners can sneer (and often, unfortunately, do) at
drivers of almost anything! Here is the performancechallenged male with his mid-life crisis and the mandatory Corvette, Porsche, or whatever, absolutely
smoked into the weeds by any kid on a 600cc Kasuzamahondi.
With the larger sport bikes, it's almost another planet for performance. A friend suggests either a different set of yellow lines for bikes on two lane roads, or none at all, and he has a point. My ZX12R will pass a car so fast
that the occupants are simply stunned.
When people are thus stunned, they are curious, and they see the black leather, sense the power, and since they have been cocooned in a car and had their senses dulled - their minds easily wander off to Freudian excess.
POSITION: The driver of a car is sitting in a slumped and passive arrangement, with the controls sort of there if anyone wants to be bothered to manipulate them. In fact, modern car design is all about allowing the operator to become less and less "intimate" with the vehicle, so more
attention can be paid to CDs, cell phones, navigation systems, etc. This result, of course, in drivers who are not involved, not passionate, and not even paying attention to what they are doing the majority of the time.
The flaccid driving position and passive control interface surfaces lead directly to this apathy. A person who is not involved and not paying attention is not sexy!
You on a motorcycle, on the other hand, are intimately involved at all times. The seat supports your butt, while your hands curve around the grips and your fingers stroke the levers. Your feet massage the shift and the rear
brake, and most of the muscles of your upper and lower body are involved in every act of riding. Any change of direction or speed requires deft and precise use of the controls, and usually several at once. Again - the parallels to sex are obvious. As the wise woman said, "There are no frigid women, but there are lots of clumsy men." If you want to ride well, don't be clumsy!
PSYCHOLOGY: Motorcycles have a risk component and a performance component. Motorcycles are "out there," and so some people take their knowledge of the first chapter of their Psych 101 textbook, the only chapter they read, and
jump right in with comments about a motorcycle being either a substitute penis or a symbol for a larger penis. Since I was 20 when these comments began to be bandied about, and since I'd only recently become aware that I
had a penis, these statements bothered me. I finally decided that many people were attracted to, but frightened by, even the idea of riding a motorcycle. Since I was not frightened and was riding one, they needed some quick way to "cut me down to size," if you will. To be fair, perhaps
they were correct, and I just chose to ride on with my life regardless.
WOMEN: All women who operate motorcycles or who ride ON motorcycles as passengers are sexy - period. The combination of all of the factors above creates a woman who is adventurous, active, and aggressively involved -
the most powerful combination of attitudinal aphrodisiacs ever invented. If she is not holding on to the controls, she is holding on to the rider - either is fine with me!
This is only true, of course, for those who view great sex as consisting of the mutual involvement of willing and eager partners. If your view of sex is that it is meant for one person to be satisfied by the actions of a
subservient other, this of course does not work. That is why some men make such disparaging, to put it mildly, comments about the concept of women riding bikes. You can sense their "displacement" shrinking at the very idea.
It seems odd, in light of this, that apparel manufacturers have been so slow to clasp women to their bosom - so to speak. For sure, there have been lots of revealing clothing - tight T-shirts, lace - up chaps, etc., but only
in the past five years or so have manufacturers been serious about designing clothing that fits women specifically, and I am told they still have quite a ways to go.
Not that I would want to lose all of the traditional things!
The first time Susan put on her chaps, she commented, "Lord, these really accentuate my butt!" I answered with "...and your point would be? ..."
Bottom line is, if you're a guy and ride a bike, you're sexy. If you're a gal and ride a bike, you're sexy. If you're a guy or a gal and like to ride behind a guy or a gal on a bike - you're sexy.
   
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