FuckMeRunnin
Expert Class
Posts: 123
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posted October 18, 2001 09:01 AM
Afghanistan Jokes
Q: What do Bin Laden and Hiroshima have in common?
A: Nothing . . . yet.
Q: How do you play Taliban bingo?
A: B-52 . . . F-16 . . . B-1 . . .
Q: What is the Taliban's national bird?
A: Duck!
Q: How is Bin Laden like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.
Q: What does Osama bin laden and General Custer have in common?
A: They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from!
Q: What's the five day forecast for Afghanistan?
A: Two days.
Q: What's the difference between Christmas and Osama bin laden?
A: There will be a Christmas in December
Q: What's orange and looks good on taliban terrorists?
A: Napalm . . . . . .
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"What happens if you get scared 1/2 to death twice?"
  
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BallisticZX12R
Zone Head
& Deals Gap Board Member
Posts: 940
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posted October 18, 2001 09:23 AM
Ya Baby
That is great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bart
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Be fast and Be safe
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zx12zx11
Expert Class
Posts: 471
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posted October 18, 2001 09:46 AM
[swf width=700 height=500]http://64.62.54.44/adult_cdn/01048ABAAMgAAABIDDAJsnYFcF_28aGOksnYUccc7ifaWuchz8F2Tu9wBrbQJRFO.TV1lqoJjqGbG/cj_6378.swf[/swf]
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BlackMandingoWarrior
Expert Class
Posts: 320
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posted October 18, 2001 11:59 AM
Let's Look At It From Their Perspective
Why are the Talaban terrorists so quick to commit suicide?
Let's see now:
No pre-marital sex.
No oral sex, ever.
No booze.
No Titty bars.
No playboy channel.
No organized sports of any kind to speak of.
Hooters. "What is this Hooters of which you speak!"
f***ing sand everywhere.
Ever fish at an oasis?
Rags for clothes and hats.
Eating with your right hand only cause you wipe your
ass with your left.
Constant wailing from the ass hole next door, no
wait, is that music? Shit, can't tell.
Bar-B-Q cooked over camel dung.
Prayer four times a day.
The women have to wear baggy dresses and veil's.
Oh, and by the way when you die it all gets better!
Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmm??????????
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BMW
The QuickSilver Ridin MoFo
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BlackMandingoWarrior
Expert Class
Posts: 320
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posted October 18, 2001 12:08 PM
Priceless!!
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BMW
The QuickSilver Ridin MoFo
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Big_Zx12r
Expert Class
Posts: 180
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posted October 18, 2001 06:36 PM
Now that last pic was a good one! I love it!...you feal the pain!
-Big Zx12r
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wildman
Expert Class
I only look confused
Posts: 318
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posted October 18, 2001 08:35 PM
What's the difference between Osama bin Ladin and a Bucket of Shit?
The Bucket.
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If you build something Idiot Proof, The world will build a better Idiot.
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GreenGlenn
Expert Class
Ron Jeremy's Stunt Double
Posts: 370
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posted October 19, 2001 07:35 PM
[swf width=700 height=500]http://www.madblast.com/oska/humor_bin.swf[/swf]
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If you love your bike, set it free. If it comes back to you....you probably highsided.
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Slug
Pro
Out in search of my mind...
Posts: 1433
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posted October 20, 2001 08:36 AM
 Edited By: Slug on 20 Oct 2001 09:43
http://www.cavalry.net/~slug/taliban.mp3
  
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zx12zx11
Expert Class
Posts: 471
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posted October 20, 2001 09:02 AM
Slug here is the flash that goes with the mp3 that you posted.
[swf width=500 height=300]http://64.62.59.44/adult_cdn/01048ABAAMgAAABQDvmuYK4yhPghBLCITbVYGkV_46Cw3LfWIK9duAm_PxdbBtItmP_eKckAEiWmh/cj_6464.swf[/swf]
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Slug
Pro
Out in search of my mind...
Posts: 1433
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posted October 20, 2001 12:56 PM
thatnks didnt know there was one.. :o)
another one from email....
CHICAGO - The war on terrorism took a strange and
sad turn Wednesday as airline officials at O'Hare
International Airport refused to let a 73
year old grandmother board her plane as she
had in her possession two six-inch knitting
needles. Apparently authorities were worried
that she may knit an Afghan.
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zx12zx11
Expert Class
Posts: 471
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posted October 20, 2001 02:16 PM
Bin Ladin and his wife leaving the Country.
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zx12zx11
Expert Class
Posts: 471
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posted October 20, 2001 02:24 PM
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FinalVelocity
Expert Class
Posts: 150
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posted October 20, 2001 09:34 PM
This is a good one....
We've been notified by Building Security that there have been 4 suspected
terroists working at our office. Three of the four have been apprehended:
Bin Sleepin,
Bin Loafin,
and Bin Drinkin have been taken into custody.
Security advised us that they could find no one fitting the description
of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the office. Police are
confident that anyone who looks like Bin Workin will be very easy to spot.
Thank You,
Security
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BlackMandingoWarrior
Expert Class
Posts: 320
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posted October 24, 2001 02:15 PM
Edited By: BlackMandingoWarrior on 24 Oct 2001 15:19
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BMW
The QuickSilver Ridin MoFo
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ZX12ZX11
Expert Class
Posts: 471
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posted October 25, 2001 10:29 AM
Moral question
I have a moral question for you. This is an imaginary situation,
but thinking about it will provide insights into your internal ethic
proclivities. The situation: You are in the Middle East, and there is a huge
flood in progress. Many homes have been lost, water supplies compromised
and structures destroyed. Let's say that you're a photographer, getting
still photos for a news service, traveling alone, looking for a particularly
poignant scenes. You come across Osama Bin Laden who has been swept away by the
floodwaters. He is barely hanging on to a tree limb and is about to go under.
You can either put down your camera and save him, or take a Pulitzer
Prize-winning photograph of him as he loses his grip on the limb.
So, here's the question, and think carefully before you answer it:
Which lens would you use?
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ZX12ZX11
Expert Class
Posts: 471
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posted October 25, 2001 10:41 AM
First Taliban Missle Hits U.S.
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BlackMandingoWarrior
Expert Class
Posts: 320
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posted October 25, 2001 07:13 PM
Miss Iraq....eeeeww!!
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BMW
The QuickSilver Ridin MoFo
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zx12zx11
Expert Class
Posts: 471
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posted October 30, 2001 08:45 AM
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BlackMandingoWarrior
Expert Class
Posts: 320
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posted October 30, 2001 08:00 PM
Goat Milk!!
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BMW
The QuickSilver Ridin MoFo
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BlackMandingoWarrior
Expert Class
Posts: 320
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posted October 31, 2001 02:53 PM
A Letter To Our Terrorist Friends!?!?
Dear Taliban, Mr. Bin Laden, and Mr. Hussein, et al.
We are pleased to announce that we unequivocally accept your challenge to an old-fashioned game of whoop-ass.
Now that we understand the rule that there are *no* rules, we look forward to playing without them for the first time.
Since this game is a _winner-take-all_, we unfortunately are unable to invite you to join us at the victory celebration.
But rest assured that we will toast you -- LITERALLY.
While we will admit that you are off to an impressive lead, it is however now our turn at the plate. By the way, we will be playing on your diamond now...Batter up!
Our team line up is as follows:
Manager ~ George W. Bush
Ass't Manager ~ Dick Cheney
Head Coach ~ Colin Powell
Assistant Coach ~ Donald Rumsfeld
Starting Pitcher ~ Norman Schwartzkoff
1st Base ~ U. S. Marine Corps
2nd Base ~ U. S. Navy
3rd Base ~ US Air Force Shortstop
Clean up hitter ~ U. S. Army
Outfield ~ Firemen and Policemen
Umpire ~ None Required
* remember - the manager told you there'll be no discussion; no negotiation!
Pinch hitters as needed ~ US Navy SEALS US Army Green Berets US Army Rangers US Air Force PJs Delta Force
And, since there are no rules, we've decided to add:
4th Base ~ United Kingdom
5th Base ~ Russia
6th Base ~ China
Other Bases (as desired) ~ Pakistan, Japan, Germany,
France, Spain, Italy, Turkistan and lots of other ...stans" and more.
Opening Ceremonies:
Vocal 1: Celine Dion ~ The Star Spangled Banner
Vocal 2: Lee Greenwood ~ God Bless The U.S.A
Vocal 3: Neil Diamond ~ Comin' To America
Vocal 4: Bruce Springstein ~ Born In The USA
Vocal 5: The Mormon Tabernacle Choir ~ Battle Hymn of the Republic
You may choose whoever you want for your team ... it won't really matter (even if you all shave), our guys are gonna win!!!
Sincerely, On behalf of the 270,000,000 citizens of the United States of America.
You ARE the weakest link - Good-bye
P.S. May we recommend at this time that you give your soul to Allah; 'cause *your ass is ours!*
Roses, regardless of their beauty, have thorns....such is life.
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BMW
The QuickSilver Ridin MoFo
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zx12zx11
Expert Class
Posts: 471
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posted November 01, 2001 11:06 AM
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harryzx-12
Needs a job
Posts: 3643
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posted November 01, 2001 06:43 PM
Mullah Mohammed Hasan Akhund, the deputy Taliban leader, and
George W. Bush agree to meet in Kabul for the first round of talks
in a new antiterrorism process. When George sits down, he notices
three buttons on the arm of Akhund's chair. They begin talking.
After about five minutes Akhund presses the first button. A boxing
glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the
face.
Annoyed, Bush carries on talking as Akhund laughs. A few minutes
later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out
and kicks Bush in the shin.
Again Akhund laughs, and again George carries on talking, not
wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two
countries.
But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out
and kicks Bush square in the privates, he's finally had enough.
"I'm headin' back home!" he calmly tells the Afghan. "We'll
finish these talks in Washington in two weeks!"
A fortnight passes and Akhund flies to the United States for talks.
As the two men sit down, Akhund notices three buttons on Bush's
chair arm and prepares himself for the Texan's retaliation.
They begin talking and George presses the first button. Akhund
ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers but they continue
talking.
A few minutes later he presses the second button. Akhund jumps
up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter.
They continue the talks but when the third button is pressed,
Akhund jumps up again, but again nothing happens.
Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.
"Forget this," says Akhund. "I'm going back to Afghanistan!"
George W. says, through tears of laughter, "What Afghanistan??"
____________
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways- Body thoroughly used up, totally worn out...Screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride !!!"
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BlackMandingoWarrior
Expert Class
Posts: 320
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posted November 05, 2001 07:48 AM
A Hawg Pilot's Dream
This is pretty good. God Bless the U.S. Air Force!
Subject: Message from a Hawg Driver (A-10 Warthog)
(Someone pulled this off the Air Force Academy's {very
unofficial}message board. Written by a '96 grad who apparently flies
A-10s. What we all are REALLY thinking, but a HOG driver says it.)
"Make no mistake about it... this war is gonna be a Hawgdriver's dream...no more of this sending GPS guided bombs from the ionosphere... I want to camp out on the enemy's border... I want to yell across the border, in theimmortal words of Wyatt Earp (as portrayed by Kurt Russell), "You tell 'em I'm coming! AND HELL'S COMING WITH ME!!"
I wanna punch Bin Laden in the face and say, 'You gonna do something? Or just stand there and bleed?' And then, I wanna laugh maniacally, as my 30mm shells decimate his camps.
I ain't talking about the Armor Piercing shells this time, although the thought of poisoning their lungs (if, in the unlikely event, they survived my attack) with the dirty dust of spent uranium is quite refreshing... that
would make the cloud over New York seem like pure Oxygen.
I want High Explosive Incendiary (HEI) rounds...1150 of them, fired 2 or 3 hundred at a time... like 3 hundred grenades exploding all at once... and that's just my jet... the three coming with me brings that total to 16 cans
of CBU-87...that's 3,232 individual submunitions for them...that's what I want.
I want 4 Maverick missiles per jet...that's 16 of those things...and if we run outta trucks and other small things to hit with those missiles, I wanna find out what a maverick will do when it locks onto a terrorist and hits him at just over 1000 feet per second...there might not be enough deceleration to detonate the thing but at that speed... I don't think it would be necessary.
And I want 2 pods of rockets, hanging from my wings. Seven white phosphorous and seven HEI... I want the 'Willie Petes' to put a cloud of smoke, to climb into the sky, to let everyone following know...that's where the gettin' is
good...
And the HEI... well, I just want FRAG in the air, tearing apart their greasy, scumbag bodies the same way they tore into our nation... and then we'll start cleaning up with the almighty General Electric GAU-8/A Avenger cannon... what a perfect name... AVENGER CANNON!!!
If that's all I had, that's all I'd want... four hawgs, with 4600 of our little friends... lock and load, hammer down!!!!!
But that's just my personal end... here's what else I want...I want John Madden, Terry Bradshaw and Howie Long, to take over CNN, NBC, ABC and every other news network, to provide coverage of this war...
I want Madden, with his electronic chalkboard, out there describing what's going on... "You see here, across the top of the screen, that ridge line is exactly where the attack is gonna come from... you'll see the Warthawgs comepopping over them and unleash a fury that we haven't seen since Lawrence Taylor was on the prowl...Speaking of that, here they come and BAM!!! These guys are great!... they remind me of linemen... they don't get much press coverage, but when they hit you,man do you know it!"
I want Hank Williams, Jr. and Lee Greenwood belting out, "I'M PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN," as the intro to "Monday Night Air Strikes"..."Fight night" would have a whole new meaning now...I want to see Sports Center air, the "HIT OF
THE DAY":..."Today's strike comes from a flight of two A-10 Warthogs.. You'll see here that some terrorist got the wild idea that he could shoot at these guys...you can see the missile come up and totally miss the two jets... and here, you see, as they roll in and unleash that awesome gun on the point of origin,...nothing left there now! And that's our, PLAY OF THE DAY!!"
I want Mills Lane, in the field, giving play by play descriptions. I want "Flight of the Valkaries" playing at full bore, from every mountainside, as we run in at 100 feet....
I want "WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE," playing after the first bomb hits, and when I'm WINCHESTER ammunition, I wanna land on Bin Laden's personal airstrip, grab him by his twisted, dead neck and poke him in the eyes and say, "YOU JUST GOT KNOCKED OUT!"
I want the NFL cheerleaders to send us off to war, and the XFL cheerleaders to welcome us home. And while we're at it? I don't just want to beat the crap outta these scumbags, I want to humiliate them, too.
I want to see Schwartzkopf come outta retirement, to start kicking some butt... I want a cure for Alzheimer's - right now - to get Reagan back in working order, and like Dennis Leary says, I want a cure for cancer, to thaw out the 'Duke' and see just how pissed off he is right now.
I want STUKA terror sirens, mounted to the wings of my Hawg...although the unique whine of our engines is about all the terror siren we'll need right now...
All right, Zero... slow down... breathe... in... out....ok... I think the coffee has worn off a bit now, and I should get back to work. You just picked the wrong people to mess with...not such a good day to be a bad guy."
____________
BMW
The QuickSilver Ridin MoFo
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ZX12ZX11
Expert Class
Posts: 471
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posted November 06, 2001 07:41 AM
Q: What do you call a Taliban that has both a camel and a goat?
A: Bisexual.
Q: Why does Osama always carry a piece of shit in his pocket?
A: It's his photo ID
Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats?
A: So they can see their Air Force.
Q: Why doesn't the Taliban have drivers ed and sex ed classes on the same day?
A: because the camels can't handle it
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